A friend recently asked me: “When I’m tired, overwhelmed, or grumpy, finding compassion is the last thing I feel like doing. What should I do then?”

It’s a great question—and central to the real practice of compassion.

There’s an old meditation teaching: always and only ever “be where you are.” You can’t fake compassion or force feelings you’re not ready for. All you can do is be true to yourself and open to your current state.

If you’re grumpy, give yourself permission to be grumpy. If you’re tired, acknowledge it fully. This act of allowing is the foundation of compassion.

When we give emotions and experiences permission to exist, they often begin to shift. Ironically, simply being where you are can be the greatest compassion you offer—to yourself and others.

So give yourself the space to turn up exactly as you are. That, too, is compassion.