As you are

A friend recently asked me a great question about compassion:

“I understand the importance of practicing compassion for ourselves and others, but you know what? When I’m feeling tired, overwhelmed, or grumpy, finding compassion for myself and others is honestly the last thing I feel like doing. What should I do in those circumstances?’

This is such a great question and one that each of us might face. Importantly, it helps explore the heart of a real practice of compassion.

There’s a great saying that forms part of the foundation of old school meditation and mindfulness teachings: always and only ever ‘be where you are’. In this case, what that really means is that you cannot fake compassion. You can’t make yourself feel something that you simply do not want to feel at that moment in time. All you can ultimately do is to be true to yourself and open up to your current experience. If you’re feeling grumpy, give yourself the time and space to simply be there. If you’re feeling tired, open up and acknowledge this state. The real practice is to create the space to simply be where you are with complete permission and humanity. 

You can’t lie to yourself, or your body and mind. You can’t trick yourself into feeling something that you are simply not ready to feel. The moment you give yourself the complete permission to simply be where you are, a really interesting thing starts to happen. As you give your feelings and emotions complete permission to be there, you will start to notice these emotions and experiences begin to shift. 

The irony in all of this is that consciously allowing yourself to be where you are could also be seen as the greatest act of compassion you can give yourself and others.

So my friends, giving yourself the space to turn up as you are, allowing all of your emotions and experiences space to be, is a pure gift of compassion.